A Mother’s Journey: Navigating Her Child’s Addiction, Healing and Loss ❤️
Finding strength, self-awareness, and healing amidst pain.
In one of my earlier blog posts, ‘Breaking the Cycle of Substance Abuse: The Power of Science and Kindness,’ I talked about my involvement with the Joyride Society and how through my research and nomination, the Joyride Society members voted to gift CMC: Foundation for Change of $7,125.
The CMC: Foundation for Change and their ‘Invitation to Change’ (ITC) groups provide a safe and supportive space for people with loved ones struggling with substance abuse.
Kristin with the Joyride Society check for the CMC: Foundation for Change - with a bottle of bubbles (alcohol-free 🚫 of course!!)
If you haven’t watched it yet, you can view my presentation here:
This was a wonderful experience! Not only did I discover a group doing great work in the community, but I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting another inspirational woman, Heather Ross.
Heather leads ITC groups for parents with children struggling with substances, and I've attended some of her meetings. She also provides coaching for parents.
I’ve witnessed over and over how much gratitude these parents have for Heather! They've been impacted in so many positive ways because of her work and CMC, especially in terms of having hope and better relationships with their children. She's definitely a special human being. ❤️
With Heather’s blessing, I’m sharing her very personal story.
Please be warned, it does talk about addiction, drug use, overdose, and death, which may be triggers for some people.
I hope you find courage, inspiration, and hope as you read Heather’s story. Please always remember you’re not alone, and this is a safe place of support and no judgment. I’m here if you want to reach out. 🤗
This is Heather’s Story…
In life, we often encounter challenges that test our strength, resilience, and belief systems. For Heather, her greatest test came in the form of her daughter's addiction. Heather's unwavering motto had always been "Where there's a will, there's a way," and she applied this mindset to her daughter's struggles.
However, little did she know that the following years would be the most painful and challenging of her life.
Heather diligently followed all the rules and advice from doctors, healthcare professionals, and counselors. She believed that by doing everything right, she could help her daughter overcome addiction. But despite her best efforts, everything seemed to go wrong. Heather began to realize that the help she sought would only be effective if her daughter genuinely wanted to get sober and was ready for change. Unfortunately, her daughter wasn't ready.
In her desperation to control the situation and her daughter's addiction, Heather poured all her energy into fixing things. However, this approach only backfired, leaving her feeling like a failure. She failed to understand that her daughter had her own journey to travel, and trying to force her onto the "acceptable" path damaged their parent-child relationship and took a toll on Heather's physical and emotional well-being.
After two exhausting years, Heather reached a realization: her current approach was ineffective, and she was losing herself and her daughter in the process.
She made the bold decision to stop everything. She cancelled doctor appointments, halted counseling sessions, quit her job, and took a step back to reclaim her time and space in order to find a better way. She was willing to try anything. This newfound downtime gave her the strength to shift her focus from her daughter to herself—a complete flip in consciousness.
Finding a New Approach:
Heather explored different avenues for support. She attended Al-anon meetings but found them unhelpful. She turned to meditation, dove into books like "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" by Dr. Joe Dispenza, and embarked on a journey of self-awareness.
It was during this process that Heather realized she was part of the problem.
Working with a coach one-on-one became a turning point for Heather. This personal guidance led to positive changes in her own life and her relationship with her daughter. She began to understand that addiction was not the root problem but rather a symptom of deeper issues. It was her daughter's way of coping with anxiety, depression, and other challenges she faced.
A Paradigm Shift:
Heather's perception of addiction underwent a profound transformation. She conducted extensive research, seeking information and coping strategies that resonated with her. These newfound insights helped her strengthen her connection with her daughter and address the underlying issues that fueled addiction. She realized the importance of examining the source of pain and the beliefs she held.
Taking Care of Oneself:
Through her experience, Heather learned the significance of self-care, resilience, and emotional stability. By prioritizing her own well-being, she could bring stability and support to her relationship with her daughter. She shifted from being a passive observer to taking charge of the relationship, no matter how difficult it became. This allowed her to continue moving forward in a healthy and supportive manner, setting a positive tone for their lives.
The Tragic Loss:
Despite Heather's efforts and the progress they had made, tragedy struck. Helanna, Heather's daughter, overdosed and passed away due to fentanyl poisoning. The news devastated Heather, leaving her shattered and grappling with intense grief. She struggled to comprehend that this was now her reality, and losing Helanna became the most traumatic experience of her life.
Sharing the Story:
In the wake of the tragic loss of her daughter, Heather found solace and strength in sharing her story. She realized that her experience could serve as a beacon of hope for others who were going through similar struggles. With unwavering determination, she continued her mission to raise awareness about addiction, mental health, and the importance of compassionate support for families and individuals affected by substance abuse.
Heather started sharing the story of Helanna’s overdose on social media platforms, creating a safe space for open discussions and offering a supportive community for those in need. She poured her heart out in her podcast, sharing her pain, insights, and lessons learned along the way. Her authenticity resonated with countless individuals who found comfort in knowing they were not alone.
Through her podcast, Heather connected with other parents who had lost their children to addiction and was able to support them on a more personal level through her coaching services. She fiercely advocated for awareness around the dangers of fentanyl, the biggest killer of people aged 18-45 years, and also to increase understanding of the root causes of addiction and better ways of supporting those addicted and their families.
Her powerful testimony has touched the hearts of many, creating awareness and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction and mental health.
Finding Meaning and Healing:
While the pain of losing her daughter would always be with her, Heather found solace in honoring Helanna's memory and creating a lasting impact. She channeled her grief into action, dedicating herself to raising awareness and supporting families. In doing so, Heather found a sense of purpose and a way to transform her pain into something positive.
Heather also recognized the importance of seeking support for herself. She leaned on her community for strength. She learned that healing was a non-linear process and that it was okay to experience a range of emotions, from anger and guilt to acceptance and hope.
Through her journey, Heather discovered the power of forgiveness, both for herself and for her daughter. She understood that addiction is a complex issue and that blaming herself or her daughter would not bring healing. Instead, she chose to focus on the love and cherished memories they shared, cherishing the time they had together and embracing the lessons learned.
Heather's journey through her daughter's addiction, tragic loss, and subsequent advocacy is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. It highlights the importance of self-care, resilience, and compassion in navigating the challenges of addiction and supporting loved ones who are struggling. Heather's story serves as a reminder that while we may encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles, there is always a way to find hope, healing, and purpose.
Heather is a Certified Parent Support Coach, Invitation to Change Certified, CRAFT trained and the host of the ‘Living with Your Child’s Addiction’ Podcast.
She teaches parents a collaborative compassionate approach to supporting themselves, reducing conflict, encouraging change in their child, and helping to repair parent-child relationships.
You can get in touch with Heather via her website at https://heatherrosscoaching.com/ and listen to her Podcast ‘Living with Your Child’s Addiction’ here. If you’d like to hear her personal account of the tragic loss of Helanna, you can list in here ‘Honoring Helena, and How I’m Working Through My Grief.’
Part of Heather’s journey was her association with CRAFT who empowered her to support her daughter based on her values as a mother. Through CRAFT, Heather learned the system (the how) to interact with her Helanna, communicate in a way that would be accepted by her daughter so she could offer support, while also caring for herself. CRAFT understand that the parent needs to be cared for just as much as the child suffering substance abuse.
You can learn more about CRAFT HERE.
If you want to explore an alcohol-free life or would like to improve your health, it would be my greatest pleasure to help you on your journey.
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Remember…
EVERY DAY IS A GOOD DAY TO BE ALCOHOL-FREE, and SUNSETS ARE THE NEW HAPPY HOUR!
Kristin ❤️ x
