The Power of Gray Area Drinking (GAD) Coaching & Living Without a Divided Mind 🚫🍷✈️😌💕
How I Achieved Freedom from Cravings after Gray Area Drinking (GAD) Coaching
Last month, during the Thanksgiving weekend, my husband and I jetted off to Colorado for a well-deserved break and were able to spend the entire holiday there. It was a beautiful, nourishing, and truly relaxing time – which was in stark contrast to our trip there exactly four years prior.
Our wonderful experience this time around made me stop to reflect on my previous visit and what made the two trips completely different – and why.
The 2019 Thanksgiving Trip: Cravings and Struggles
Four years ago, when we traveled to Colorado to enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I was struggling with alcohol but actively trying to stop. At that time, my knowledge of alcohol’s effects on the body was next to nothing (but fortunately, I had just discovered Annie Grace’s book “This Naked Mind” and just signed up for Jolene Park’s newsletter).
That period of my life was an extremely confusing time, to say the least. My logical brain wanted to stop drinking, but my limbic (animal) brain was constantly thinking, plotting, and scheming to get alcohol. It was like I was carrying a monkey on my back (or rather a monkey inside my brain) ALL OF THE TIME.
Walking the Tightrope of Cravings and Willpower
Even if I was doing something fun, I could never fully enjoy myself. There was always a craving, a hunger, and a dying of thirst (literally and figuratively) that was constantly humming in the background.
By a miracle, I made it through our trip without trying to sneak alcohol, but that didn’t stop the dopamine signals in my brain from telling me to constantly SEEK it out. It was impossible to relax and brought on constant feelings of guilt and shame, so honestly, it was exhausting.
There were SO many internal and external triggers surrounding me. Every time we walked by the bar in the hotel lobby, my brain would start scheming. Every time we went to dinner, I'd constantly scan the room, watching the other diners drink wine and cocktails with their meals, and I'd have insane feelings of pure jealousy. I had a constant longing that often crushed my spirit.
I felt so guilty about my incessant scheming to get alcohol that it brought on tremendous feelings of shame and self-loathing.
How could I keep doing that to Evan?
He was the love of my life and was so supportive and literally tried everything to help me wade through this dark time in my life. I hated hurting him by drinking when I said I wouldn't. I didn't realize it at the time, but my logical brain was completely offline. My alcohol use had rewired my brain, and my decision-making power in the prefrontal cortex was impaired. I felt like a slave to responding to cravings.
At this point, I wasn't drinking for pleasure; I was drinking for survival.
Because once you get to this point in your relationship with alcohol, your addiction makes your choices for you. And the need for alcohol becomes more important than food or shelter. Or anything else. Alcohol becomes number one.
So, for me, the alcohol cravings were desperately trying to control me to the point where I was using alcohol over food and water regularly, which led to many different health problems – including my puffy face.
It was a tough time for me – and for Evan.
I was miserable because of the constant internal angst and conflict.
Back then, I hadn’t heard of GAD Coaching or the power of using the nervous system to heal cravings. So, unfortunately, because I didn't have many other tools, I often relied on willpower alone, and it turns out that willpower runs out pretty quickly!
What I didn’t realize was that every time my willpower ran out, and I had a slip, I wasn’t just resetting my day count; I was resetting my brain to zero.
I kept re-activating the neural pathway that was used to reaching for alcohol.
That’s why even if I could stop for a while, my drinking would escalate to that dark place again.
To paint you a visual: Picture walking in the woods and you come to a fork in a trail. Is it easier to take the paved path or one that is littered with fallen trees and overgrowth?
I’d use willpower to get through some alcohol-free days, but then I’d only let it grow a few blades of grass before I’d drink, thereby taking a lawnmower back down the path.
Our brains are set up like a highway system. We have several roads that have been carved out and are smooth. The brain does this to conserve energy.
Think of it like brushing your teeth every morning. You likely don’t have to put much effort into remembering because it’s a habit. The road is smooth and easy to drive down. Once these roads are formed in your brain, they’re permanent pathways but can become dormant over time.
Another example is riding a bike. If you’ve gone several years without a ride, do you think you’d be able to jump on a bike and ride around your neighborhood? My guess is that the answer is yes. That's because of neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity is the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences. Plasticity is the capacity to be shaped, molded, or altered; neuroplasticity, then, is the ability for the brain to adapt or change over time, by creating new neurons and building new networks.
Historically, scientists believed that the brain stopped growing after childhood. But current research shows that the brain is able to continue growing and changing throughout the lifespan, refining its architecture or shifting functions to different regions of the brain.
The importance of neuroplasticity can’t be overstated: It means that it is possible to change dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaving and to develop new mindsets, new memories, new skills, and new abilities. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/neuroplasticity
Discovering the Power of Gratitude
Fast forward to my 2023 Thanksgiving trip to Colorado.
It’s interesting to reflect on how wildly different my two Thanksgiving trips were.
Just before we left for Colorado this year, I attended a yoga class where the teacher spoke about gratitude. She challenged us to think about not only what we are thankful for in our lives but also the things we're grateful for NOT having in our lives. That was a powerful revelation for viewing gratitude, and that’s when it hit me – I was immensely grateful for not having to deal with cravings anymore.
I am beyond grateful for NOT having alcohol in my life. The emotional shackles of alcohol no longer bind me, and I no longer feel that terrible confusion, guilt, and shame I did back in 2019.
This time, I could go to Colorado and truly be present, relax, enjoy every second and be fully ME. There would be no cravings, fear, or shame – I could just enjoy an amazing time!
In fact, I don't even think about alcohol anymore, and the push-pull in my mind has gone.
In their place, I have beautiful, crystal-clear clarity, a feeling of lightness and a freedom that is out of this world!
How GAD Coaching Changed My Life
So, how did I achieve such a monumental change? What was the catalyst for being able to rid alcohol from my life to such an extent that it now repulses me?
It wasn’t just my determination or willpower: As I’ve discussed, having a desire to change wasn’t enough.
The answer was GAD Coaching.
It's important to note that in 2019, I wouldn't have qualified as a gray area drinker, because my drinking was too extreme. Fortunately, in 2020, I made some changes in my life (which I talk about on my About page) and started accumulating enough alcohol-free days to get back into the gray area.
What I’ve learned through my own experience overcoming GAD, becoming a certified GAD Coach myself, and listening to the experiences of the clients I’ve been working with over the past few years, it’s evident that good intentions and willpower only get you so far when dealing with a drug like alcohol.
Because, as it turns out, the animal brain cannot understand language. It only understands sensation and emotion. That is why physiology and using somatic (“soma” means body) tools are so important to heal cravings.
“According to neuroscience, our brains are incredibly malleable. You can change the neuroplasticity in your brain and overcome your cravings for addictive substances or behaviors. Things like good sleep, meditation, fun hobbies, nurturing relationships, nourishing real food, movement and functional fitness, a spiritual connection that feeds you, a purpose that inspires you, consciously placing yourself in healthy living and working environments, increasing your emotional literacy, reducing financial debts and giving back through random acts of kindness are a few of the many options you can choose to create new neural pathways, reverse the negative impact of toxic stress and increase GABA, healthy gut bacteria and vagus nerve tone.” Jolene Park. https://grayareadrinkers.com/2019/11/11/four-things-no-one-tells-you-about-your-craving-brain/
GAD Coaching uses nervous system regulation and neuroplasticity to help create new neural pathways in the brain so that the road to reaching for alcohol becomes difficult to travel. Picture a detour sign, fallen trees, weeds, etc.
The only way to accomplish creating a new path is by taking actual action.
As a GAD coach, I provide resources that are customized for you and the accountability to aid your follow-through.
The Silent Enemy: Ambivalence
Every time I went back to alcohol, despite desperately wanting to stop, I was dealing with ambivalence.
It killed me every time I hurt Evan - even the thought of it made me ill. 🤢
Yet, I COULD NOT STOP. More ambivalence.
Ambivalence is a factor that sneaks in, too and undermines your efforts. It’s living with that divided mind I talked about, where you know alcohol has negative consequences on your mind and body. You know deep down that your health will improve if you stop drinking, but there’s also the feeling of missing out and even loss at saying “no” to drinking.
The CMC: Foundation For Change teaches the concept of ambivalence in their "Invitation To Change" groups.
I've shared about this amazing organization before in previous blog posts. They are a wonderful non-profit whose mission is dedicated to:
“Providing evidence-based tools for change to everyone who cares about a person struggling with substance abuse. We have taken the best science has to offer and translated it into a practical, compassionate, and accessible approach for helping called the “Invitation to Change.”
CMC teaches that ambivalence is normal.
"Since your loved one’s substance use makes sense to them in some way, when they try to give up those behaviors they will naturally feel ambivalent and sometimes go back to those old ways." https://cmcffc.org/approach/invitation-to-change
According to The Invitation To Change: A Short Guide, families "can take the behavior less personally and feel more empathy toward their loved one. Truly understanding another person's reasons for doing anything helps us make fewer negative assumptions about them (which push us away). We feel closer to them and more willing to collaborate instead of trying to control them."
I’m A Certified CMC: Foundation for Change ITC Facilitator!
I’m so excited to share that I've recently completed their Level 1 Certification to be a facilitator for their ITC groups, and in 2024, I'll be leading my own "Invitation to Change" groups as a facilitator.
This means I’ll not only be able to support people trying to free themselves from alcohol through my GAD Coaching Services, but I’ll also be able to support their friends and family through this challenging time.
I’ll be sharing all the details early in 2024, so stay tuned!
Connect with Me: Let's Talk
If you have any questions about GAD, are curious if you are in the gray area, struggling with a divided mind and FOMO, or simply want to chat, please don't hesitate to reach out. I provide a wealth of resources on my website, including a free 20-minute discovery call to help guide you on your journey.
Whether you're interested in grey area drinking coaching, resources for managing alcohol, or understanding "Invitation to Change," I'm here to listen and guide you with no obligations.
Wishing you an incredible holiday season filled with warmth and happiness.🎄🎅🏻💞
Kristin 🫶
How I Can Help You 🌅
If you want to explore an alcohol-free life or would like to improve your health, it would be my greatest pleasure to help you on your journey.
I have two different coaching options:
Health Coaching Program
Are you experiencing sickness, fatigue, depression, pain or weight issues?
If so, then your body isn’t working as it should.
There are many reasons for these health issues, and sometimes working with a Health Coach can help.
As your Health Coach, I support you through diet and lifestyle changes to help you feel the best you can and live a brighter, happier life.
Gray Area Drinking (GAD) Program
It’s challenging to change your drinking habits - especially when they’ve crept up and have been happening for a long time.
That’s where I can help you. I work holistically, focusing on your gut health, neurotransmitters, and dysregulated nervous system to calm, soothe, and get everything back in balance. I teach you coping mechanisms to deal with cravings and give you all the tools you need to live an alcohol-free life.
Take the first step to brighten your life!
Book your FREE consultation to learn more about my Health Coaching and Gray Area Drinking Coaching programs and how I can help you.
Remember…
EVERY DAY IS A GOOD DAY TO BE ALCOHOL-FREE, and SUNSETS ARE THE NEW HAPPY HOUR! 🌅
Kristin ❤️ x
